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I sat in the garden, on my bamboo chair, and looked at the small pond that I dug, now covered with green moss and red lilies. Next to the pond is a fig tree, intertwined with pink bougainvillea, home of few starlings. They sometimes dancing around the garden. The midday sun shire brightly through the leaves leaving sparkling lights. I feel the wind and the warm sunlight on my wrinkled skin.
I took a deep breath, thinking about the party last week right here in this garden. The intimate meeting with tea, cake, and wildflowers on the table. My friends and I watch movies of my life together, synthesized from the daily moments and celebrate the dear memories that we have together. Everyone cried, then laughed, hugged, and sang together. The party ended with a farewell poem of mine.
30 years ago, I wrote an argument about ending my life at the age of 70. I argue that, by limiting the amount of time I live, it gives me more passionate love for this life. I learn to ask when need to make a decision: " Now, I have 30 years left to live, is this worth my time?"
Since then, I began to carefully plan my own life. Around this time last week, I also carefully prepared everything related to my death, sent letters to everyone I knew, prepared my funeral the way I wanted, recompiled all the data and created an AI that simulates my chats and talks so my friends can call and text when they miss me.
And now, I am alone, in this garden.
I think that the warmth of the human body can bring great comfort but the loneliness brings me sanity. I can concentrate more deeply on my inner experience. I looked up at the sky, the clear blue sky together with porous white clouds, I watched the miraculous beauty of the graceful movement of the trees swaying in the wind.
I observed the beauty of the Ikebana vase that my friend made last week, now faded and scattered with a hint of pink. The great thing about flower arrangement is the way the maker mindfully made it, watch it bloom, and watch it die.
I am mesmerized by it and took my pill.
In thousands of realities, this is also the only day it is the same. But in this reality, I find peace.